Monday, January 26, 2009

F-U-C-K Me

La la la, lala LA LA LA. La la la, lala LA LA LA!

Britney's new single is apparently causing some controversy. Won't SOMEBODY think of the children?! Really though, how you can hate on a song that has 16 "la's" as part of the chorus is beyond me. Anyweave, throngs of Maude Flanders-esque mothers are losing their minds over the fact that the title - "If U Seek Amy" (um, what?) - sounds like "F-U-C-K ME" when you say it quickly. I have three things to say about this:

1. If you're going to be a twat about the lyrics, maybs you should get upset about the first line instead: "oh baby baby have you seen Amy tonight? Is she in the bathroom is she smoking up outside? (oh!)" which brings me to point number two:

2. If your kid is too retarded to catch this very clearly articulated line about drugs, then they're never going to notice that the chorus sounds like Fuck Me. Kids today are fucking retarded, hello! I spend half of my waking hours worshipping Ms. Spears and even I didn't notice until some bible-thumping butt-plug spelled it out (this is possibly because I've been smoking up outside, but still.)

3. Finally, I think everyone is losing sight of the bigger picture here: Britney made a funny! Bitch doesn't even have a high school edumacaysh, OK?! An international holiday should be declared when this shit is officially released because basically this is a miracle.

This is a woman who for months wore a pink wig and spoke in a fake English accent. This is a woman who married someone even more book-slow than she is and farted out two kids who, let's be honest, look a touch downs-y (bless their sweet cheeto-eatin' souls). This is a woman who went so bat-shit crazy over the past two years that she shaved her head, flashed her meat curtains about 28 times and befriended the 'razzi because she got sick of only talking to her stuffed animals all day.

So, boys and girls, let's embrace her attempt at cleverness, shall we? Forget the fact that she obviously didn't write the words to this shit and most likely has no fucking clue there's a double-entendre at all. She probably thinks the song is about pretty horsies or something. Whatever.

Assuming she DOES realize what she's singing, then it's fucking hot ("oh baby baby F-U-C-K me tonight....oh baby baby we'll do whatever you like" - yes.), and that's all her songs are supposed to be. Everyone knows this, even all the moms out there with crusted-over cock-tunnels who hate fun. This is Brit's role in our fucked up society! She sings something nasty while fingering herself in the video, and the rest of us have an excuse to release our inner sluts to the beat. It's a give-and-take that's been working pretty well for 10 GD years, so stop hating on this wench for the love of cheese grits! We don't want another "I'm not a girl, not yet a woman" situaysh. Just let her sing about double-sided dildos and shake your bits and pieces while singing your whorish face off. Because admit it - you know every trailer-parkin' word off by heart.

7 comments:

  1. I am reminded of Marcel Duchamp's infamous "L.H.O.O.Q", in which he parodied the Mona Lisa with those cryptic letters which when said aloud in French, sound like "She is hot in the ass" (Elle a chaud au cul) As the great Kuspit wrote; "It is a multilayered pun: the letters become words which become a devaluing male comment on the beautiful, dignified woman - she's just another slut. She's smiling because she's thinking of being fucked - more probably, of masturbating, that is, fucking herself"

    Britney has outdone herself.

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  2. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/L.H.O.O.Q.

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  3. In the states they say "smoke out".

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  4. only appropriate response to stupid parent: c u next tuesday!

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  5. f-f-f-fuck her face f-f-fuck her face

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  6. Did I disable comments? I don't think so? Testttttting.

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  7. Hi M. Short name. Might want to work on that.

    "Just The Tip"? Is that from the leper joke with the hooker?

    Here's a riddle for ya: What do you get when you mix an airplane, a boat, a golf course, a beach, and a tall bald Jewish guy with admirable flatulence?

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