Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Dear Anonymous,

You mentioned in your own sharp-tongued way that the best thing about this blog so far is Jen's comment to my first post (Jen's comment = "clapping!" God love her).

After reading that I cried in the bathroom for about two, two and half hours, while muttering "you IDIOT (my name)"! Stupid! I TOLD you this was a bad idea! Idiot!" over and over under my alcohol-soaked breath. Finally, summoning the courage of J-Lo in "Enough", I rose, walked to my front porch and wailed "Damn you, Anonymous!" into the night. I think I used just the right amount of fist wavery. It felt real.

So listen, Anonymous (or as I like to call you, stupid-head) - I'm new to this extremely narcissistic and cut-throat game you savvy interwebians call "blogging." In an attempt to appease you and get my creative juices flowing, I did what any good writer does when faced with "the block" (that's wordsmith speak - no big deal). I spent the last hour sitting in complete darkness listening to a CD I have of the sound of a tap dripping which a friend recorded for me in case of such an emergency. After that I drew several elves and other woodland creatures on a piece of paper and then balled up the paper and swallowed it whole while punching myself repeatedly in the throat. Finally, I read "Are you There God, it's Me, Margaret" backwards while chain-smoking gauloises.

Nothing.

I'm sorry, Big A. I let you down. You, my only reader! I promise to devote all waking hours here on in to coming up with ways to cyber-ly entertain you. I have a pretty good picture of my boobs to post in case I don't come up with anything soon.

At least you like the background colour.



5 comments:

  1. Best post yet! - clearly your true 'gift with words' comes alive when enraged (might want to explore this in therapy!)...maybe 'A' is secretly your muse!

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  2. any real writer worth his or her salt knows that only a combination of port-tipped cigarillos and 'Superfudge' can light the path towards prolificity. even an elf (sigh, 'little person') could tell you that.

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  3. Your Secret Admirer, Big "A"January 14, 2009 at 1:16 PM

    I noticed you changed the shade of the background colour ever so slightly. It is a vast improvement.

    I feel like I know you even though we haven't met, yet. For now, I will just be content to watch you write your blog through your window while I masterbate, hoping that a waft of the cigarette smoke that has been deep inside your pink moist lungs will hit my face at the exact moment of my climax.

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  4. SHOW US YOUR TITS!!!!!!!!!

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