Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Dear Anonymous,

You mentioned in your own sharp-tongued way that the best thing about this blog so far is Jen's comment to my first post (Jen's comment = "clapping!" God love her).

After reading that I cried in the bathroom for about two, two and half hours, while muttering "you IDIOT (my name)"! Stupid! I TOLD you this was a bad idea! Idiot!" over and over under my alcohol-soaked breath. Finally, summoning the courage of J-Lo in "Enough", I rose, walked to my front porch and wailed "Damn you, Anonymous!" into the night. I think I used just the right amount of fist wavery. It felt real.

So listen, Anonymous (or as I like to call you, stupid-head) - I'm new to this extremely narcissistic and cut-throat game you savvy interwebians call "blogging." In an attempt to appease you and get my creative juices flowing, I did what any good writer does when faced with "the block" (that's wordsmith speak - no big deal). I spent the last hour sitting in complete darkness listening to a CD I have of the sound of a tap dripping which a friend recorded for me in case of such an emergency. After that I drew several elves and other woodland creatures on a piece of paper and then balled up the paper and swallowed it whole while punching myself repeatedly in the throat. Finally, I read "Are you There God, it's Me, Margaret" backwards while chain-smoking gauloises.


I'm sorry, Big A. I let you down. You, my only reader! I promise to devote all waking hours here on in to coming up with ways to cyber-ly entertain you. I have a pretty good picture of my boobs to post in case I don't come up with anything soon.

At least you like the background colour.


  1. Best post yet! - clearly your true 'gift with words' comes alive when enraged (might want to explore this in therapy!)...maybe 'A' is secretly your muse!

  2. any real writer worth his or her salt knows that only a combination of port-tipped cigarillos and 'Superfudge' can light the path towards prolificity. even an elf (sigh, 'little person') could tell you that.

  3. Your Secret Admirer, Big "A"January 14, 2009 at 1:16 PM

    I noticed you changed the shade of the background colour ever so slightly. It is a vast improvement.

    I feel like I know you even though we haven't met, yet. For now, I will just be content to watch you write your blog through your window while I masterbate, hoping that a waft of the cigarette smoke that has been deep inside your pink moist lungs will hit my face at the exact moment of my climax.

  4. SHOW US YOUR TITS!!!!!!!!!