Monday, January 12, 2009

What's in a Name?

Dear two people who might be reading this,

Let me start off by saying I really have no idea what the shart this blog is going to be about. Basically I'm starting it because I'm a super-nerd who enjoys spending time online (glayven), especially when I should be doing something more productive like, say, my job. Since I can't access porn at work, I figure this is the next best way to virtually kill strippers...I mean time.

Anytits, since I haven't decided whether this blog will be an outlet for my hatred of blogs, a space to post naked pictures of exes I've collected over the years, a venue for airing my ever increasing schizophrenic delusions of grandeur, or a place where I can make lists of people on whom I must seek revenge, I'm going to make this first post about alternative names I considered for the title of my new retarded baby.

I came up with several ideas and then let my friends (i.e. people who humour me out of pity) vote. In the end, I chose a name that wasn't even in the list of options I gave them, because sometimes I just like being a jerk. The top 5 picks were as follows:

1. We Can Outsmart Those Dolphins!
2. Can I Throw Up In Your Bathroom?
3. Tastes Like Burning
4. Smoke Yourself Thin
5. Wizard Sleeve

Other notable contestants included:

6. Stupid Babies Need the Most Attention
7. Milky White Throat
8. Release the Hounds!
9. I Heart Birth Control
10. Santa is a Liar
11. Hitting Is Fun
12. The Goggles Do Nothing!
13. Stupider Like a Fox!
14. Fight to the Death
15. See You in Hell, Dinner Plate!
16. Is it Supposed to Bleed Like That?
17. Slunts for Jesus

Some of you (i.e. maybe one of the two people reading this - aka mom or dad - hi guys) pointed out during the selection process that many of these are Simpsons quotes. Way to notice shit, assclown! It's true, though, so gold star for you (THIS time). I stuck to Simpsons territory because I was basically raised by this blessed show. My parents helped a bit, but let's be real. It helped make me the funny (sad?) asshole that I am today, so I figured it needed a little shout out. But then I thought, you're not taking the credit for my completely unoriginal humour, you cartoon bastards!! And so, Just The Tip was born (just for a sec, just to see how it feels).

Thus ends post the first. I can promise you one thing: it's all downhill from here. You should probably never come back. I understand.

And who am I? That's one secret I'll never tell...

...except that if you're reading this it's probably because I had to email you in a desperately lame attempt to build an audience that doesn't consist of my parents and the government. So...right. All the same, let's pretend you don't know who I am, so that when I talk about "my stupid friend who works at ___ and has been dating the biggest jack off for 5 years" we can both pretend it's not you. Deal? Excellent.

... m


  1. The best thing about this blog so far is Jen's comment and the colour of the background...

  2. i like how you've boldly abandonned any pretense of style and embraced a pre-1996 html web design. why let eye-pleasing graphics to compete with your words?

  3. OK. I know this is you, Nathan, you cunt.

    Also, nice Borat-like second sentence.