Great day. So close to Friday. Well done, Thursday. You's my ho.
So who doesn't love grandparents? I know, right? Best. I only have two left but they know how to bring down the hizzzouse!!...in theory. They just recently arrived in Florida for some quality old-person time with their old-people friends. When they told me they were going I was like "um, LAME! Way to be so CLICHE, meme and pepe (that's what we call them)!!!" Then I spat on the ground and sucked my teeth at them. I think they both learned something.
Anyold, I was wondering the other day what the depends they're getting up to down there, and then I got this awesome email today (from meme):
"It is good down here. I still have a sweat shirt on but it supposed to go up to 79 degrees this afternoon. It has been too cold to go to the pool yet. Went to a cocktail party yesterday afternoon. Met a lot of Canadians that are in this park. The guy next door is from Guelph, a retired teacher. George and Kerrison Nussey are arriving at Belanger's this afternoon and we are going out for dinner with them and Carl and maureen Atkinson from Windsor.
Tomorrow we are invited to Marg and Jerry Palowski's for a fish dinner. They are at Fort Myers Beach. She is Bernice Rivard's sister so they will be there as well as Ron and Belinda Gagner.
Dad has finished one puzzle and is working on the second."
OK. I know it was probably wrong to publish real names, but fuck. Tell me "Tomorrow we are invited to Marg and Jerry Palowski's for a fish dinner" isn't the greatest thing you've read in like 12 years!! Bahahahaha I honestly started weeping tears made of sprinkles and kitten paws when I read that. Oh, meme!
Sometimes I just want to fast forward to my memaw years. I don't know about you guys but I can assemble a fucking puzzle like nobody's business. And I love me some fish dinner, dayum! But that's only the beginning. Think of the possibilities!
- Badmouthing "young people today" while shaking your head and clucking your tongue
- Scratching your gunt in public and not giving a fuuuuuck
- Wearing elasto-waist jeans up to your saggy chesticles and OWNING it
- Silver hair! SILVER!!
- Getting away with saying anything, because people are just relieved you're not losing your mind. My pepe has recently taken to racism for kicks, and meme has thrown out the "hussy" bomb more than once. God love'em.
- Hiding things in your wrinkle flaps
- Backgammon! Checkers! Scrabble!
- Playing bridge with your friends while drinking Mint Juleps starting at 2 pm,
because you can do whatever the saggy bum skin you want!
- Watching the discovery channel 24/7 and falling asleep in your cozy Nana chair
- Going to bed at 8:30 because you fucking FEEL LIKE IT
- Driving like a crazy person and being all "DO something!" if some young bitch
gives you the stink eye
- Writing hilarious emails from Florida that are like "all I'm doing is straight
chillin'. Suck it." when your rat children / grandchildren mock you
I figure if I just start chain smoking and drinking 18 grasshoppers a day, I can age faster and join the land of the cotton tops in no time.