Friday, March 6, 2009

Story Time with M

Hiiiieeee,

So, here's what. My life is fucking boring. It's winter in Canada, which means the only things to do are sleep, gain 5-10 pounds, work, cry a lot, and sometimes get drunk enough to wear heels in the snow.

As such, I have been lacking in material on this lamest of b-logs. Along with this fair country, my brain has frozen over and is incapable of doing much besides alerting my mouth to suck the drool back in right before it escapes over my bottom lip as I gaze endlessly out my office window. I blame mother nature, that lying twat. YOU TOLD ME MARCH WAS A SPRING MONTH, MA' NAYCH! YOU TOLD MEEEE! [uncontrollable sobbing]

Until something exciting (and by exciting I mean anything besides me staring out my office window every day before running home to eat, drink, cry and sleep) happens in my life, I've decided to introduce a new segment called Story Time With M. It sounds just pervy enough, in a Mr. Rogers sort of way, don't you think? Just picture me wearing a bright red pepaw zip-up cardigan with a creepy puppet in my lap, grey bushy eyebrows dancing with excitement. Here:



Stories will be mostly about the failures and embarrassments of my friends and enemies. I think it's tough but fair.

Also it's like 15 degrees out and I keep peeing a little bit with excitement. Luckily I'm wearing underwear today! It's something I like to do on Fridays. You know the exite-pee I'm talking about. Like puppies do when you finally come home from work and they're like "FUCK! I thought you fucking abandonned me!!!" and just the tip gets a little puppy soak on.

Stay tuned for Story Time Vol. I later today!

P.S. Won't you be my neighbour?

4 comments:

  1. As one of your friends (and sometime enemy) I've been waiting here for almost a week for this story time! Lies!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I too have been patiently waiting.... YOU LYING SCUNT!

    Where did you find the cool pic of the big R?

    ReplyDelete
  3. It's coming it's coming! I has been the sick. Snot rags and what not. Fun!

    Also - reveal yourself, F.S.

    ReplyDelete
  4. flamingo spidermanApril 10, 2009 at 9:53 PM

    F.S.,,,,,, as in flamingo spiderman?

    ReplyDelete