Thursday, May 28, 2009

Je ne comprends pas.

Um, can someone please explain to me why all (straight) men are obsessed with "American Psycho?" Like, really. Tell me.

I mean I kind of get it. I love C-Bale's sweet, sculpted, buttery ass as much as the next human beign with eyes and reproductive organs (even straight dudes admit they at least admire his tight full-body package in all its muscly glory). In addition to Bale, Chloe Sevigny and Reese Witherspoon are both genius in it, so there's that. It's obviously a very dark and clever depiction of the zombies of Wall / Bay street. Fine. Points. It's a good movie.

But why do guys LOSE THEIR MINDS over this shit? So many of the guys I've dated recently literally jerk off (possibly into their own waiting mouths) to this cinematic wonder.

Does it do for men what Sex and the City does for women? Am I even on the right track?

Also people keep telling me it's "funny." I'm not gonna lie, I'm mildly terrified of any dude who finds THIS:

P.S. New post coming soon. Sorry, I'm kind of a lawyer, sort of. It sucks up a lot of my time. If anyone has any career alternatives to offer me I will make out with you and accept at once.


  1. As dark and twisted as this movie is it's still really funny (see below):

    Patrick Bateman: Do you like Huey Lewis and the news?
    Paul Allen: They're OK.
    Patrick Bateman: Their early work was a little too new wave for my tastes, but when Sports came out in '83, I think they really came into their own, commercial and artistically. The whole album has a clear, crisp sound, and a new sheen of consummate professionalism that really gives the songs a big boost. He's been compared to Elvis Costello, but I think Huey has a far much more bitter, cynical sense of humour.
    Paul Allen: Hey Halberstram.
    Patrick Bateman: Yes, Allen?
    Paul Allen: Why are their copies of the style section all over the place, d-do you have a dog? A little chow or something?
    Patrick Bateman: No, Allen.
    Paul Allen: Is that a rain coat?
    Patrick Bateman: Yes it is! In '87, Huey released this, Fore, their most accomplished album. I think their undisputed masterpiece is "Hip to be Square", a song so catchy, most people probably don't listen to the lyrics. But they should, because it's not just about the pleasures of conformity, and the importance of trends, it's also a personal statement about the band itself.
    [raises axe above head]
    Patrick Bateman: Hey Paul!
    [he bashes Allen in the head with the axe, and blood splatters over him]

  2. I'm gonna try to get a res at Dorsia when I go to NYC in a few weeks. I DON'T CARE IF IT DOESN'T EXIST!

    I'm also naming my first child Dorsia. Only because I think the taunts would be
    awesome: "Dorsia the horse-ia!" or, "dorsia the whore-sia!" hahahah! Stupid kids.

  3. Too good to pass on:

  4. "The superiority that men feel when they see a woman being dominated in some way on the screen is merely an extreme exaggeration of the sex roles that our culture considers normal. Not only should a man be taller and stronger than a female, but he must also demonstrate his superior strength in gestures of dominance. A boy, so the myth goes, may become a man by taking either a life or a woman. And to take the life of a woman (especially while raping her) becomes the penultimate masculine act. That is not to say, of course, that on a conscious level all men want to rape women and cut them into spare ribs. But when they see women being brutalized on the screen, over and over again, they are being given, on a subconscious plane at least, graphic proof of their physical and sexual superiority."

  5. Decent book, crappy movie. All-time douchebag favorite.

  6. I have a job for you, but when I'm done I'm not going anywhere near your mouth.

  7. Do you wanna know why "we " are obsessed with it....have you ever seen my business cards? That's why.....

  8. Ya'll are one sick bunch of motha fuckas!